Tin Man
by Laurie is me
Summary: Xander catches Buffy doing something wrong. "I know I've got a heart, 'cause its breaking....."
1. Default Chapter

He didn't mean to see it.   
  
He went downstairs to get some equipment for the SITs. The same downstairs that was Spikes bedroom for the time being.   
  
The same downstairs that Buffy was leaning in close and kissing Spike, with a passion he had never seen first hand. Buffy was kissing Spike. The man who raped her. The man who discusted him so much he though his blood would boil.   
  
He couldn't stand it, he dropped the box and ran upstairs. He walked passed confused looks, walked past everyone. He felt... Oh god there was no way to describe the way he felt.   
  
He was outside for about a second before it started to rain, it was warm and came down like a flood. By now the tears couldn't be seen, the rain took care of that. He felt as though the world felt his misery and cried with him. He felt someone take him by the arm and turn him around. Buffy. Buffy followed him. He didn't know she heard him.   
  
"Xander! I didn't want you to learn about us like that."  
  
"You and Spike are..."  
  
"We are. I know you don't like him, but.... I am going to be with him."  
  
Thats when it happened. He didn't know what it was exactly, but he felt it. A sharp pain to his heart... he cluched on to his chest trying to figure out what was going on with him.  
  
"Xander?"   
  
He colapsed to the ground. His heart slowing steadly.... untill finally, it stopped. 


	2. POV Dawn, Giles

He was being taken away. The ambluance got there in minutes. Minutes that were hours to her. Her hero was being lifted in the ambulance. He was unmoving.... white. Dead... He couldn't be. She hadn't realized it was raining untill someone put a blanket around her sholders.   
  
What happened? Xander came up from the basement... crying... walking past Giles and Willow. It seemed as though he didn't hear anyone of them calling out his name... then Buffy followed. She ran out following them. Not listening to Gile's warnings. Telling her she needed to stay inside... She saw it.... She heard Buffy.  
  
Buffy and Spike were together....  
  
Xander grabbed his chest and wobled a little before he fell to the ground. It played in her mind over and over again... each time slower than the last. Buffy was doing CPR.... He wasn't breathing.   
  
Dawn watched as each rain drop fell, making a ripple in the puddle that surrounded him... then another...   
  
Then lights flashed... she didn't look from where, she knew what was going on.   
  
She knew what was going on.... He was abandoning her. He was going, and leaving her all alone in a room full of people.   
  
As a group of arms incircled her moving her back inside the house she knew.... She was truly alone.  
  
***********  
  
The one thing I never thought I would see was tears in Xander's eyes.... He was actually crying. Both Willow and I asked him what was wrong... then I saw it. Buffy coming from the basement with her face flushed and lips reddened. Every thing happened so fast.... I couldn't say exactly what happened. I knew one thing though.... Xander caught Buffy and Spike, for lack of a better word, together.   
  
The man was heart broken. It wasn't mearly because of his love for Buffy. I am quite sure he gave up any chance his attentions twards her had a 'snowball's chance in hell.' He was broken hearted because Buffy could touch Spike... the man who tried to rape her. Even if he was reciently given a soul. My heart broke too, although I must admit I couldn't possably understand the pain he felt.   
  
I saw him grab his chest and fall.... I screamed at willow... told her to call 9-1-1. It seemed like seconds later when I saw the ambulance. And then I stepped up in the ambulance, looking out the window to see the rest of them running back in the house, and Dawn being pulled back in by three other people. I looked over and watched as they tried to re-start Xander's heart.  
  
I prayed he wasn't gone forever. I prayed that if there was a god they would let him live. If there was a god this would have never have happened to him. 


	3. Mind me

"They were able to re-start his heart, although they are at a loss on why it stopped in the first place. All of his cholesterol was normal, as was his blood pressure. I have to admit I am quite astonished as to why this happened." Giles' explanation was barely acknowledged by the somber crowd.  
  
Xander was hurt, really hurt, for the first time in seven years.   
  
"Is he going to be ok?"  
  
"Actually that's what... It seems they need to keep him on these machines. You see his heart, it keeps stopping for no reason."  
  
"Oh god." The witch sat down in one of the hospital chairs being comforted by a particular SIT.   
  
"It has to be a spell then.... Right? I mean if the doctors don't have an explanation, then it has to be something supernatural." Kennedy looked to the others for some sort of acknowledgment.  
  
"I think it must be... I'll start my research, Willow if you don't feel up to-"  
  
"I'll help. I'll do anything you want me to."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"I'm with the redhead... That is I can do research, the whole spell thing isn't really-"  
  
"Thank you Kennedy. Before we go... they told me we should go in to see him one at a time... just in case he...."  
  
**********  
  
Buffy closed the door behind her and looked over to the man she had known for seven years. She sat in the chair beside the bed. She was the last to come in here and sit with him. Even Spike came in here before her. Just her and Xander in a room together, she didn't know what exactly to say.   
  
"I know if you were where I am you would be cracking jokes. I always wanted to know how much of that was for our amusement, and how much was you trying to deal with the seriously scary situations that always come up. Giles thinks its a spell doing this to you but.... Did I do this? It happened right after... I still don't love him you know. But when I started to date Riley or Angel I didn't love them. He has done so much to help me, and Dawn... He has a soul now so you really can't blame him for what he did before. I.... This whole dying thing, I tell you it's not all its cracked up to is. Sure the first time was just a whirly gig of fun but let me tell you the second time... Ok so I'm not that good at the jokemaking, that's why you need to be here. I love you, you can't die. If you die the whole slayer thing... It won't make any sense any more. Can I tell you a secret? You're the reason I do it. You and Dawn. I... I didn't know it was hard for you, you know. I kinda eavesdropped while you were talking to Dawn. I never.... I didn't know. I guess with the whole superpowers I was so caught up in my own pain to even realize... Oh god Xand I am so sorry. I need to make this right. You have to live so I can make this right again."  
  
************************   
  
Buffy had elected to stay in the room with Xander. It was no use for the hospital staff to try to get her to leave; she was staying no matter what. That's when she got the idea. It wasn't one of those ones that slowly come to you, it was like BAM! She knew one way to try to get Xander back.  
  
"So, could you do it Will?"  
  
"I guess.... but I'm not sure this would work any way. The time I did this with you it was a psychological thing. This, if this is witch craft I can't help."  
  
"I don't think it is Will."  
  
"You think Xander was able to do this to himself? Buffy I really don't-"  
  
"It wont hurt to try, will it?"  
  
Willow was not ready to do this kind of thing to Xander. Whatever Xander was thinking was his own business. The only reason she did it with Buffy was Glory needed to be stopped, which took precedent over any bad feelings she would get by going inside her friends mind. But this was different. Xander was being put under a spell of some kind, or something mystical. This wouldn't help them at all. In some ways it would hurt, Buffy would be so sure that it would work and when it wouldn't she would turn the blame to Willow. Willow was doing something wrong, Willow was the one who failed. An idea popped into her head. 'Buffy could be the one to go into Xander's mind. She's the one that wants it done so badly; she can be the one to do it. And she wouldn't blame me because she would be the one going in there.'   
  
Willow went to help Buffy for the 'trip' she was about to embark on. 


	4. out of body, in your mind

With all the candles in position Willow went over the whole process for the eleventh time, making sure Buffy wouldn't make a mistake. It was true, Buffy was a little wigged, not knowing what she'd find in her friends mind. It was Xander so it would probably be a naked Anya, or dusted Spike.   
  
She was ready, she was sure of it.  
  
She wasn't ready. Willow going in there would be eiser, she knew him since they were five so the akwardness would be at a minimum, But its like she was evesdropping on the man's innermost thoughts. But she was also positive that she was the one who did this to him, she needed to be the one to bring him back. She exhaled deeply and went back to her position.  
  
She was ready.  
************  
  
It was dark. She couldn't see her hand in front of her face, she couldnt see anything. The only reason she was sure her eyes were open was because she could feel the air hit them. Where was she? "Xander has a freaky subconscience." she said aloud.   
  
"And you think you're from Saneville USA?" She heard him say. It was coming from beneath her... like he was lying on the floor, of course there being a floor was still up for debate since she hadn't seen it yet.  
  
"I'm not the one who thought I was a crazy in LA." He spoke again. This time it was above her. She moved her head, trying to see, but it was impossable.  
  
"Where are we Xander? Why is it so dark."  
  
"So there wont be any shadows. light makes the shadows come out, we cant have that. No light, no shadows."  
  
"What, you're Peter Pan now, lost your shadow? Ok, I'll bite. I'm Wendy, so lets sow the thing back on and get out of here."  
  
"Its not that simple."  
  
"It never is. Look, I need to see you, Xander. So turn on the lights."  
  
"Making demands in another person's mind.... I don't have to see to know you're Buffy."  
  
She kept looking around, although she still couldn't see. This was really begining to freak her out. Just then someone, most likely Xander since it was his mind, turned on the lights. She was begining to wish he hadn't.  
  
***********  
Xander was there, he was younger though, something like 11. He was in the basement of his parent's house. He was hunkered down in the corner.   
  
"Why are we here?"  
  
"Because I deserve it. I failed. She is in pain because I couldn't stop him. I could have and I didn't, I'm a failure."  
  
"Did a vampire hurt someone?"   
  
Little Xander shook his head. He pointed up the stairs.  
  
"Something much worse." She heard banging.... then it sounded like someone fell.   
  
"What's up there? A demon?"   
  
"Worse." He then put his head down. Buffy put her arm around him trying to comfort him. She looked up again and they weren't in the basement anymore. Fully grown Xander was standing in front of her.   
  
"What was that Xander?"  
  
"Doesn't matter. That was nothing you were supposed to see. So why are you here? shouldn't you be boinking Room-tempature?"  
  
"That's harsh."  
  
"In all fairness Buffy, it is my mind. I get to be impolite. You on the other hand shouldn't be here."  
  
"Nither should you. You need to snap out of this."  
  
"Buff, you don't even know what snapped."  
  
"Why don't you show me?"  
  
"And do that whole 'us through the years, see how you've treated me badly'? Seriously Buffy, thats way over done. I like to think of myself as pro-active guy."  
  
"So let me help you."  
  
"You broke my heart Buffy.... figurativly and physically."  
  
"I don't understand, why? Because I was kissing Spike?"  
  
He consentrated on her face for a moment or two, then moved his head to the side and smiled as though he had just figured something out.  
  
"You're a lot like her."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"My mom. God, she used to say the same thing. Actually it wasn't the same thing. It was more like, 'He'll be better, I promise'" He mocked.  
  
This subconscience Xander was begining to freak her out. He wasn't warm and loving, He was harsh and cold. This couldn't be the real Xander. This had to be because of what happened to him... it effected him.  
  
"Who'll be better? You know for pro-active guy you are looking a lot like talks-in-riddles guy."  
  
"I just want to ask out of couritosity, do you still think you can change him? He'll be the good guy you KNOW he can be." This Xander was trying very hard not to laugh.  
  
"He has a soul, its different."  
  
"'He's stopped drinking, its different honey.' I fell for that once, never again!!!"   
  
Now he was angry. It slowly came apon Buffy, "Your father."  
  
"I failed her. She's hollow you know. She doesn't think I can see it, but I do. Its my gift acording to Dawn. She makes fruit roll ups and fusses and does every thing she should, but really she died so many years ago. She is so far gone.... I was supposed to be the one to bring her back, to save her. I failed. You know what its like to look at your mother's face and hate yourself? Of course not, because if its not about Buffy it doesn't matter."  
  
"That is way out of line Xander you don't-"  
  
"'Xander, you don't know how hard it is to be me' Shut up!! this is not the world according to Buffy show. This is my so-called Xanderific life! You don't get to be self-centered here, I know it'll be hard, you think you can handle that?"  
  
"I'm just here to help you. There is no reason for you to be acting like this twards me."  
  
"I know, but you know what? I'm angry. You're here and the reason why I am so angry. I may have no right to be mad at you but that isn't going to stop me.   
  
"Why can't you just be strong? Why can't you just forget about the undead? Why can't you stop letting him hurt you? He is hurting you and you're letting it happen, and every time I see it I feel a part of me dying. You're gonna loose him and you, you are going to become a shell and you don't even care."   
  
Xander was fluctuating between anger and sobbing. She didn't know how to feel. At first anger was the only thing on her mind, but then slowly she noticed she began crying. It wasnt a sob, more silent, she didn't know who she was crying for. Him or herself, a little of both maybe.   
  
"He is different now. He isn't hurting me, I dont think he will anymore."  
  
"I can't hear this! I can't be hearing this! You know what? I just figured out how I can stop this. Forget about you. Screw you!! Go to hell for all I care!! You hear that? I hate you!! I hate you so much!! I hate you..." He was on the floor in uncontrollable sobs. She held him in her arms, suprised he didn't turn away from her.   
  
"I love you Xander. I'm sorry for what this is doing to you but I can't ignore it anymore, there is something between Spike and me."  
  
"Yeah, and its called death. You know you are going to love him and its going to consume you untill there is nothing left. I thought you knew better than that."  
  
"I did. God Xander, you think I understand what I'm doing, or the way I'm feeling? The slayer lives in darkness, thats just the way it is."  
  
He looked her deep in the eyes, standing up again. "Buffy doesn't. Buffy is a hero of mine. The slayer, she's no hero... she is only a part of who you are. She doesn't controll who you are, who you are controlls the slayer. Why do you think you've been friends with me and Will for the past seven years? Buffy is never alone because she has friends. Which means the slayer will never be alone. To see him consuming Buffy..... you can't let that happen. Buffy you are strong."  
  
"I thought this was about you?"  
  
"I've loved you for seven years, anything to do with you is about me. Go, think about what I've said and come back when you have an answer."  
  
"You know telling a self-centered person to think about their own lives is like adding fule to the fire."  
  
"Yeah, well you got me into this mess so...."  
  
"I'll do what ever you want me to, just as long as you don't stop your heart anymore. Xander I need you. Not to fix windows, you're my heart. My rock. I don't ever want to think about how life would be without you."  
  
"Making more demands? Ok, but I'm not waking up, at least not yet... I haven't actually figured out how to do that yet. I.... Buffy you know this wasnt some kind of ploy right? I mean I didn't even know what was happening... I didn't know I could controll anything I was doing untill...."  
  
"You saw me kissing Spike. I hate that I hurt you. I hate that I don't know if I can make this right. I hate feeling the way I do about him. But I guess you are right, death is what connects me to him..."  
  
"And life connects you to me." He smiled a real Xander smile, one that warmed her heart.   
  
She couldn't help smiling back and kissing the top of his head very much the same way he had done to her sister.   
  
She found herself outside his mind. surrounded by candles that had melted till there was nothing but hard wax left. She opened the door and was met by Willow and Giles.   
  
"God Buffy, you've been in there for the longest time. What did you see? Anything helpful? Did you see what did this to him?"  
  
"He did this to himself Will. Don't worry, he's stopping the heart stopping. He said he didn't know he was the one doing it untill he was unconscience. Giles, can you look up any reason how he could do that?"   
  
"What are you going to do?"  
  
"I have to go think.... a lot."  
***********************************************************************  
Author's notes: I like writing these dreamy subconscience scenes :P they are just plain fun for me. And all work and no play makes Laurie a dull girl.... actually Laurie being a dull girl makes her a dull girl. 


	5. Where do we go from shut your mouth

Xander couldn't be right. Her feelings for Spike couldn't be boiled down like that. Thing were very complicated. Spike was not a heartless bastard. He loved her. And he has changed. Sure he killed those people but he couldn't control that, he can become a good man.   
  
But isn't that what they all say, 'I can change him.' When in fact they never change, and take the girl for a ride that ruins her life.  
  
Xander's mom. She was the primary example. God, could she live with herself if that was what she was to become?   
  
"Oh my God. Xander.... He would have never been able to live with himself if he ever..." A shocked realization came over Buffy.   
  
Buffy realized that's why he liked the women he did. Her, Cordelia, Anya.... All of them were strong, opinionated, independent women. He didn't want them to become his mother, he wanted them to be able to hold their own. "He wants me to be like that again."   
  
She had to be like that again. To not be his hero anymore, to instead be someone he looked down to.... the thought made her queasier than she ever imagined. The slayer part of her was strong, but was Buffy?  
  
She knew the relationship with Spike could never be considered healthy. They weren't growing old together, mostly because he couldn't grow old. Spike's definition of love is something that screams in your blood and consumes you until there is nothing left.   
  
She couldn't love like that, not again. She wanted to live a full life, that couldn't be done with Spike. He could be a good man, but does that mean she should sleep with him? Giles is a good man, does that mean she had to sleep with him too?   
  
She decided that a relationship with Spike would be impossible. Even if he changed tomorrow that still didn't change the way they felt for each other. It was wrong, for both of them. It would be cheating her out of a life and cheating him out of being able to live forever with the woman he loved.   
  
The way they felt about each other was just plain wrong. "How does that saying go? 'When I was a child I put away manly things'.... No wait, that doesn't seem right...."  
  
She then decided that was the time to go tell Spike... She wished him well, but this would never work out.  
  
**********  
  
"This because of the boy?!" Spike yelled at her.   
  
"He made me realize what was wrong."  
  
"Look I know what he saw must've been a shocker, but that doesn't mean we're to blame-"  
  
"We are though. I used to be his hero. And now he sees me reduced to this, if we go with our feelings it's going to consume us both and I don't want that. I don't want to be consumed; I want to try to be his hero again. To be Dawn's hero. To show her that love doesn't have to make you feel like it's the end of the world. Thats the mistake I made with Riley, I wont make it again."  
  
"Oh, so whatever's good for Buffy then, right?"  
  
"Its what's good for you too! Will you want to stay with me when I have more wrinkles than an elephant and my breasts are at the floor?"  
  
"You think any other human guy is going to want you like that?"  
  
"Yeah, because he'll have lost all of his hair and probably most of his teeth. I want to grow old and die, you can't be there with me. I think it would be best if you did leave town Spike, It'll be easier for both of us if we don't see each other."  
  
********************  
  
"I am sorry about what happened with your mom. I wish... I wish I could do something for you. To help. You know the thing about it is I don't know what I could do. You have always been the rock. Now you aren't rocky, you're the needy one. And I don't know what to do or say to Needy-Xander so he'll be Rock-Xander again. But then I have to realize you have feelings too so there still would be some Needy-Xander there too."  
  
"Buff? Is that you?" A weak voice came from the bed.  
  
"Xander, you're awake!"  
  
"And apparently my room is the home of Babble-fest 2003."  
  
"Winner and still champ. I'll go get a doctor."   
  
He lightly grabbed her hand. "Stay. Just for a moment." A couple of minutes went by without either saying a word, which was scaring the slayer.   
  
"What's wrong? Are you ok?"  
  
"No, I'm good. I just feel like I drank a gallon of Gatorade. Buffy, there is a lot of stuff we got to work though. And one of them is... I need to tell you the truth about me. I know I never really talked about my past and... I should have."  
  
"I know. We'll do that later. We need to work on us. I... I need to be your friend again."  
  
"I need that too."  
  
********************  
  
"Its an ability few humans possess. And really its not something they are born with, or they can change, or control."  
  
"So really what you are saying is what happened to Xander is a 'mind over matter' deal?" Dawn asked the watcher.  
  
"Precisely. I don't think we'll have to worry about it happening again, it seems to never really happens to the same person twice, plus it may have to do with the alignment of the planets."  
  
"So where exactly do we go from here? I mean what happens between us and Xander?"  
  
"He and Buffy have issues to work on, their friendship depends upon it. But I don't think we are as aware as we should be of his feelings. Xander has a habit of joking around his problems; we just have to help him get over that. Other than that he isn't evil, and he has no supernatural powers to speak of.... He's the same old Xander."  
  
"The pain he must have felt.... I didn't see it. I was too wrapped up in my own stuff.... My best friend was in pain and I didn't know." Willow wasn't actually addressing anyone; she was too wrapped up in her thoughts about Xander to care if anyone was actually in the room.  
  
"I did."  
  
That took Willow out of her trance. She looked up at the former key to see her glaring at everyone in the room... like they were guilty of a horrible crime.  
  
"What exactly are you saying Dawn."  
  
Dawn almost squirmed under the gaze of the father figure that was glaring back at her. But she seemed to regroup and stand a little taller.  
  
"Seven years he's been in pain. You chose to ignore it, belittle him to be some kind of Zeppo. Just because he doesn't have any super powers doesn't make him any less of a person. None of you know what its like... to ... to have to live with the chosen. All of you are so powerful, so necessary, you think to live a day without your powers would be so bad, you said it yourself Willow, Buffy's said it too. You never even think that some of us have to live our entire lives without having powers, without being special. Just being ourselves and knowing everyone around you thinks that's not good enough. He told me he thought I was extraordinary... Because I let go of my powers... If that means I can be like him when I grow up; than I guess I might be."  
  
Any comment that was going to be made was cut short as Buffy walked in the room with a smile on her face, something they hadn't seen for a while.  
  
"He's awake, he's so much better they're going to release him in two days. Ok, welcome to somberville, aren't you guys happy?"  
  
"Yes, of course we are. It's just... Well with things being the way they are now.... a lot of stuff is wrong and we can't exactly make any of it right again."  
  
"But we're family. We'll work through it. Xander and I talked a little, and then we didn't talk at all... I'm going to try to make things better again I swear. But I can't do it alone, I need all of you, we need each other-"  
  
"Cause if we don't have us, what do we have?" Dawn approached her sister and was given a hug with a whispered, "Nothing."  
  
*********************************************************************** 


	6. Man enough to stop for directions

Author's note: This fic mutated into a crossover fic. Its going to cross over with Angel, mostly begining in the next chapter. Also, HUGE THANKS to Vespera for co-writing this part and is a goddess for helping me ;p  
___________________________________________________________________________________________  
Xander stretched himself further out on the couch trying to figure a way to get out of the blankets the slayer rapped around him. He could still breathe, which was a plus, but moving any appendages was certainly out of the question.   
  
Buffy had turned into a mother hen the last few days. He wasn't allowed to get anything for himself, even if he was up, or closer to it. Part of him hated to be coddled, while the other wanted to know how long he could milk this for. At night Buffy went on patrol and the others came around. Part of him felt belittled, like he was being babysat, but he did know better. They though they did something wrong, they thought they neglected him. But it was as much his fault as it was theirs. He kept everything inside, never letting anyone totally in, not even Anya.   
  
Were they expected to become interrogators? He was guilty just as much as they were... in his mind maybe even more so.   
  
So they would talk, about nothing really. It just seemed like they came over to hang, which he could handle.   
  
During the day when they were at their jobs he and Buffy would talk. It was nothing like the "hanging around" the other guys did. This was a gut wrenching tear fest. Sometimes he cried, sometimes she did, but mostly they both did. She ended up telling him things she never told anyone. He told her about his father, something he never even told Willow about. Every time he talked about his father and what he used to do Buffy would cry and have to leave the room for a while. When he asked her what was wrong she never responded, she just told him to keep talking.  
  
He wanted so badly to comfort her. To tell her some joke or anything to stop her from crying, but he couldn't, she ordered him not to. She said she needed to know.   
  
They became close, which was a shock since they already were close to begin with, but it was there and the others saw it.   
  
Willow felt especially bad; he could see it in her eyes. But he waited till they were alone and told her that she will always have a Willow shaped part of him that no one could ever touch. She hugged him and told him she still wasn't going to say if she started that fire or not.  
  
"Buffy!! Get me out of this thing!!"  
  
"Its a blanket, you don't get out of it, you unblanket yourself. Its not something you need directions for."  
  
"Yeah well this is a special slayer strength thing.... I can't move!"  
  
He demonstrated by trying as hard as he could to move his arms but not getting anywhere. She stood above him and watched; she then got an idea, which was never a good thing.  
  
"Buffy whatever you are thinking stop."  
  
"You really can't get out of there." It was more of a statement than a question; she then gave him a wicked smile.   
  
"I'll tell your watcher on you..." He tried, he knew he was helpless.   
  
That's when she made her move, she pounced on him and proceeded to tickle him right where she knew he was the most ticklish. He began to laugh uncontrollably and thrashed for a way out of the blanket. He then got out and decided payback was fair play, while she insisted "No fair cheater!!"  
  
They rolled off the couch on the floor where she ended up on top of him suddenly stopping and looking him deeply in the eyes. She smiled and brushed a stray hair of his back, her face slowly reaching his. He moves his eyes down to watch her lips as they curve slightly as if begging to be touched, tasted, kissed. She slowly licks her lips in anticipation to what is about to come. He can feel her breath against his lips; feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Closer and closer still; their lips are now a mere breath away. They barely brush up against each other sending sensations of passion through one another. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. They practically scatter to opposite ends of the room.   
  
"Who is it?" Buffy managed.   
  
"My name is Fred, you don't know me... I work with Angel." 


	7. hit em in the fist with your visera Xand

"Angel?" Buffy and Xander said simultaneously.  
  
"Yeah, see we have this slight problem, Can I come in?"   
  
Buffy opened the door to find a small brown haired mousy woman at the other side.   
  
"Thanks, Angel said he'd be by, you know, after sunset."  
  
"Great. Are you going to tell us now about this 'slight problem' or are we going to have to wait until Angel gets here?"  
  
"It'd be better if we waited for Angel. So you are the slayer... I kinda imagined you a bit taller... maybe a few more muscles. You know the way Angel talks about you..."  
  
"Dead boy still jonsing for the Buffster, color me shocked." Fred was startled by the other voice and turned to see who it was.  
  
"That's Xander, don't mind him, no one else around here does." Xander was visibly taken aback by that. He walked past the two women and out the door without a word.   
  
Buffy felt bad immediately after she said what she did. She left Fred without a word either, trying to catch up to Xander.   
  
"Xander!! Come on Xander!!"  
  
"Buffy, its ok. I know you didn't mean anything by it. I just figured I'd leave when the opportunity presented itself."  
  
"You don't have to go."  
  
"I got that, its just you and Angel will have this big evil to face, it'll be better that I'm not there to get my face pummeled."  
  
She stood next to him silently for a moment, not sure of how to say what she wanted to say.  
  
"Face pummlage or not, I'd prefer you being there. A meeting with the Ex... I think I'll do better with strength in numbers."  
  
"He's not." Xander said barely audible.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing." Xander seemed to clear his thoughts and walked with Buffy back to her house, with sunset minutes away.  
  
**********  
  
They sat around the Dinning room table, Angel and his crew on one side. While Buffy, Xander, Willow, Kennedy, and Dawn were on the other side.  
  
"So this Rehpotsirhc demon... It wants to take over Sunnydale"  
  
"At least it doesn't want to end the world." Kennedy tried to brighten up the conversation.  
  
"Well it'll be a lot better than the last mayor." Willow added.  
  
"If it takes over Sunnydale it will have total control of the hell mouth... it has the power to make anything it wants come out from there and help make a hell on earth." Angel pointed out.  
  
"Right. So we stop this thing. Dawn, Xander, research. I want to know how to kill this thing if we can. Willow, help Lorne and Fred on the magic end of this. Gunn and Kennedy, you patrol the good side of town. Me and Angel will take the bad side of town."  
  
Willow looked at Xander and in his head said, //At least she stopped making those speeches.//  
  
//Yeah, that's great.//  
  
//What's wrong?//  
  
//Nothing. Just all this being around Angel brings back old feelings.//  
  
//Like you hating him?//  
  
//Not all of him, just the viscera.//  
  
"Xand Will, you got an interesting starring contest going there, you gonna declare a champ and get to work?"   
  
"Only if you ask nicely. Oh, and you could make us some cereal." Xander smiled at an unamused slayer. His smile faded and a sick feeling crept into HIS viscera.  
  
"Alright Dawn, you cover the Sumerian, I got the Latin."  
  
"Hold on, Xand. Can I talk to you a sec?" Buffy started up the stairs and he dutifully followed. When he got to her room he shut the door behind him.  
  
"What's wrong with you?"  
  
"I might ask you the same thing. Ever since Angel and his crew came to town you've been treating us all like less than human."  
  
"Look at us, we're still armatures. All these years and we still don't have anything going like Angel does. They're like a well-oiled machine and we're... we're oil less."  
  
"Buff, the Initiative was well oiled. Oily doesn't mean better. We've got more apocalypses under our belt than they'll ever have. But that's not the thing that's buggin the Buffinator is it?"  
  
"Angel seems so... happy." She looked down to the ground. She sat on the bed and waited for him to join her before continuing.  
  
"I guess I'm jealous. I mean he has a kid, a grown up kid... and all this major stuff has happened, and I'm-"  
  
"Not happy." She saw the pain behind his eyes and quickly corrected him.  
  
"Getting there. Xander... For me to be happy, you need to find the happiness."  
  
"I don't know if I can promise that, even for my favorite slayer."  
  
"Well I might not be for long. I need to tell you something. What happened today... I-"  
  
"Buffy! We need to get going!" Angel banged on the bedroom door.  
  
"Tell me when Dead boy is gone, kay?"  
  
Buffy smiled and got up; she left the house within seconds. Xander sighed and went to go find out what he could on this demon.  
  
*********************  
  
Buffy and Angel patrolled the same cemetery for the second time that night, not saying anything.   
  
"So...."  
  
"So..."  
  
"You love Cordy? That is, when she isn't evil or having sex with your son."  
  
"Yeah. So what happened to Xander?"  
  
"Why do you think anything happened to him?"  
  
"You are protecting him. So is Dawn, Willow, and her friend."  
  
"Girlfriend actually."  
  
"Yeah, that girl that's her... You didn't mean a friend who happens to be a girl, did you?"  
  
"Nope. Kennedy is a potential slayer, when the others left she decided to stay behind, I think its getting pretty serious between them."  
  
"Wow... And Willow said not much had changed. So what got you all coddling Xander?"  
  
"He saw me and Spike kissing and his heart stopped beating."  
  
"Hey if my heart had a beat it would stop just from the mention of it, you and Spike?"  
  
"Not anymore. Xander.... seeing him like that, knowing I did that; Spike left a few days later."  
  
"You stopped your relationship with him for Xander?"  
  
"I did it for myself, and for Spike. What happened to Xander.... It's almost a good thing. I mean we're so close now, and all these problems we've had. They aren't gone, but things are getting better."  
  
That was when the demon decided to attack, they never are really polite. It wasn't a very long fight; it got the better of Buffy and threw her to the ground, when it turned around Angel threw an axe at its head, decapitating it.  
*************  
  
Buffy and Angel entered the Summers home to see Xander and Dawn watching cartoons and laughing.   
  
"Some research you guys are doing." They got up and quickly turned off the TV.   
  
"Willow said we could. Blame her." Xander pointed over to the Wicca who was sitting on the couch.  
  
"We did a spell... to make the demon not all that strong, like a tenth of his strength, We called Gunn and Kennedy and told them, they decided to call it a night after going around three times."  
  
"You know you have a cell phone so you can bring it with you, not leave it at home." Kennedy jumped in.  
  
"Well, no biggie, we killed it."  
  
"So I guess this means goodbye to the fang gang."  
  
"Not quite, we have to stay at least three days to make sure no other demons try to take advantage of the demons death. Great power emerges from the death, we could be talking about a possible apocalypse."   
  
They all looked up at Fred for a moment.  
  
"All she needs is a British accent, an annoying habit of cleaning her glasses, and she'd be Giles." Dawn looked around to see who agreed while Fred looked at her like she was from mars.  
  
"What's a Giles?" 


	8. lifestyles of the brotherly horizontal t...

What was I thinking? No, correction, what was I thinking with? God Buffy how could you? No, wait; it's not my fault. He was the one looking all funny with the blanket all around him and that terrified look on his face. And then he had to smile, that stupid goofy adorable grin. Damnit. And then Fred had to... I don't know whether to thank or kill her for that...   
  
What the hell am I thinking? This is Xander. Gagflugal horn playing, funny Hawaiian shirt wearing, big brother of Dawn. This is not the person you have horizontal thoughts about. This is the person you have brotherly thoughts about, brotherly thoughts that include clothing. And absolutely NO lips. Damnit.   
  
Why does he think there is something going on between Angel and me? I'll always love him but that doesn't mean I'm going to jump him. God sometimes Xander can be such a moron.   
  
But maybe it's for the best. I don't think I could tell him how I feel about him. Especially since I'm not all that sure how I feel. And I don't think I can take that rejection. I mean he would be all nice about it, making sure he would do anything to not hurt my feelings. Why can't you be an asshole Xander?   
  
I think its been happening for a while now, but I noticed it first when we started to talk. He said what his father did. To him, to his mother. Hearing what he went through, and survived made him that much more loved. I didn't know I wanted to love him any more than I already did... no wait I don't mean that. I didn't know I could love him that much. I never wanted to have these feelings towards him.   
  
I think about how Dawn always felt about him. She had the biggest crush on him; I think she still does a little. I wonder, Dawn is from me, she is me. Can she.... Was she able to see something in him I just couldn't? Did she have a crush on him because somewhere inside me I do too? It's all soo confusing.   
  
I... I just wish we were back in high school.... Oh, now I know I really didn't mean that. I mean I wish I had said yes when I had the chance... Just one dance. Maybe I could have seen what I see now...  
**********  
  
"Do you mind?"  
  
"Mind?" Xander looked at Buffy standing above him.  
  
"I have to make the beds down here. Apparently Angel and his crew need to stay here, everybody does. Including you."  
  
"You are not making me sleep anywhere near Dead Boy, are you?"  
  
"Naw, I thought everyone would be a lot happier if the Fang Gang stayed down here and-"  
  
"Scoobies upstairs. Good plan, but you do know I have no where to sleep."  
  
"Your in Dawn's room."  
  
"Ummm... you do know how Summers women are irresistible to me, but-"  
  
"Dawnie is sleeping in my room. You get hers and Willow and Kennedy get their room."  
  
"Buff I don't want to put Dawn out of her own bed, I can sleep in the basement. Remember I've had a lot of practice with that."  
  
"Basements too far away from me."  
  
They both fell silent for a moment.   
  
"If something comes in the house, tries to hurt you, I wont hear it if you're in the basement. Its easier if we're together."  
  
***********************  
  
"So Dawn how are things?"  
  
"Fine." She sat back down on the couch flipping the channels until she got to a Three Stooges show.  
  
"You don't like cartoons anymore? I heard there is a network or something-"  
  
"Cartoons are for Saturday morning. Stooges are classic." She didn't look to the ensouled vampire.  
  
"Are you angry with me Dawn?"  
  
"No.... Its just it's a pretty lame excuse to see her. You know she doesn't love you like that."  
  
"What makes you so sure?"  
  
"You've moved on with Cordelia, why would you care if she does or doesn't?"  
  
"I don't know, I just do."  
  
"She was me."  
  
Angel looked at the teen, puzzled.  
  
"She was my age. Thats one big reasons Xander didn't like you. It would be like if he were to hit on me... He said if you really loved her you would have waited for her."  
  
"Yup. Remember Dawn, two more years and you'll be 18, then you'll be in trouble." Xander winked at the teen. "Buffy wants you upstairs, to get ready for bed. You don't have to go to school tomorrow. Fred and Lorne said it wouldn't be safe."  
  
Dawn went upstairs saying her goodnights on the way. Xander didn't know what to say to Angel.  
  
"You never told me, or Buffy."  
  
"You two were so wrapped up in your melodramatic fantasy-love you wouldn't have cared if I did. She was a kid man. I admit she had to grow up fast, but then we all did, that didn't give you the right to hop on the statutory express. Don't get me wrong, I'm not still mad, I just thought you would have seen how wrong it was by now."  
  
"I knew it then. Do you want to say no to Buffy, ever?"  
  
"Nope, I like my limbs. So, You treat Cordy badly, as in make her cry, give her a hell spawn to raise then leave her all alone on Friday nights so you can go out drinking with the boys, and I will turn you to ash."  
  
They both sat in silence for a moment, both expressionless.  
  
"Yeah, that's fair. Buffy.... I knew. I know. You still love her. I wont tell her... "  
  
"Thanks."   
  
They sat in silence for five minutes.  
  
"So your heart stopped."  
  
"Yeah, that was not the highlight of my year." He paused for a moment, "Yours still stopped?"  
  
"Yeah, its a real bummer."  
  
"Man, I can't believe you just said 'bummer.'" 


	9. Goodnight moon, goodnight carpenter

Author's note: The song is Kenny Chesney's "Tin Man"  
_________________________________________________________________  
  
"Hey, You're Xander right?"  
  
Xander looked up from the coffee pot to the green horned demon. He heard about this guy, he was being extra careful not to whistle any jaunty tunes while he worked around him. The last thing he needed was to be "read." The thought scared him more than he liked to admit. What would the Green guy tell him, he was to remain a looser in Sunnyhell for the rest of his life?   
  
That the person he thought he would have no chances with, the one person he tried to put behind him had turned old, passionate feelings coming back like one of the seven plagues of Egypt. Not only that, but how wrong it was. He mentally slapped himself, 'She doesn't want to be with you! She's recovering from Spike. The pictures in your head of a house with 2.5 kids and a dog are NEVER going to happen.'  
  
"Yeah, why do you ask?"  
  
"Not a huge reason really, just on the way down here Angel said he just doesn't like you. I guess I wanted to know why. I mean I look at you and I see no reason for anyone to not like you."  
  
"Thats mostly because you don't know me. As much as I hate to admit it Dead boy has his reasons for hating me. Although, let me just say my reasons for hating him are so much more reasonable and valid."  
  
"So, I have read almost everybody in this house except you and Buffy, who wants to go first?"  
  
"She can go first then I be in the line for 'never'. Sorry, I already know what my future is, I don't need someone telling me how much my life is going to suck."  
  
"Oh come off it sweetie, you don't know your future, yet. Sing me something and if there is nothing good then I wont say a word. What harm could it do?"  
  
"Me and musicals, not an idea that's such in the good. I don't know......"  
  
"Come on. Out with it. Besides my powers were getting a little whacked out a while ago, gotta make sure I can still work my mojo." Lorne went around the counter and picked up a guitar and shoved it in Xander's hands. Xander shook his head and said, "I don't play the guitar."  
  
Lorne laughed and pointed to the instrument, "I got that from your place. And don't even start on any of this flügelhorn stuff, you and I both know you never played one, you probably don't even know what one looks like."  
  
Xander hung his head in defeat. He sat at one of the bar stools and started to sing:  
  
"Saw a man in the movies that didn't have a heart  
How I wish I could give him mine  
Then I wouldn't have to feel it breaking all apart  
And this emptiness inside would suit me fine  
  
It's times like these  
I wish I were a tin man  
You could hurt me all you wanted  
And I'd never even know  
I'd give anything just to be the tin man  
And I wouldn't have a heart and I wouldn't need a soul  
  
I couldn't see your leavin' comin'  
You took me by surprise  
Even now it still seems like a dream  
But I know I can't be dreamin'  
'Cause as I lay down each night  
The pain so great that it won't let me sleep  
  
It's times like these  
I wish I were a tin man  
You could hurt me all you wanted  
And I'd never even know  
I'd give anything just to be the tin man  
And I wouldn't have a heart and I wouldn't need a soul  
Well I'd give anything just to be the tin man  
And I wouldn't have a heart and I wouldn't miss you so"  
  
He finally looked up to see just about every one had circled around, most with their jaws wide open. He walked out of the room with Lorne on his heels. Once they were alone Xander handed the guitar back.  
  
"Happy now?"  
  
"Why did you pick that song?"  
  
"It's country, the music of my people. Of course by my people I mean the people in pain. I'm going to go now."  
  
"Don't you want to hear my reading?"  
  
"Not really. Go do someone else.... you can do Buffy." Xander walked out of the room leaving Lorne to find the slayer himself.  
  
****************  
  
Lorne was walking from the kitchen to the dinning room before he got pulled back in. He looked at the strong force.  
  
"Buffy, I was just looking for you."  
  
"You read Xander. I want to know, what's in his future."  
  
"I don't feel right about telling other people's business to anyone, even you kitten."  
  
"I just.... He gets a normal life, right? I just want to know..... I want him to be safe, and happy, and loved. He hasn't always had that..."  
  
"Isn't he loved here? By his friends? He is going to be a lot happier very soon. And where else would he be more safe than being friends with the slayer?"  
  
Buffy looked to the floor and felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. "He'll be happy soon? You do mean the happy I think you mean, right?"  
  
"Yeah, is there anything wrong with that?" He tried to look into the slayers downtrodden eyes.  
  
"No, its great he'll finally be happy. No offence, but its not a demon or former demon, is it?"  
  
"Human."  
  
That seemed to lighten her mood a bit, although it didn't make her totally happy. She then left without another word, not letting Lorne get the reading he was hoping to get from her.   
  
***********************#####################********************  
Somewhere outside Quebec, Canada.   
  
"Bleeding Bitch and her boy, I'll show them. I'll show them a change, a big one."  
  
He was walking to his rental car, when he read the bumper sticker: My Canada Includes Quebec.  
  
"They run out of 'Sh!t Happens'?"  
  
He got in and peeled out into the open road. It wasn't long until he reached his destination, an abandoned warehouse. There he found what he was looking for.  
  
"You.... Your soul has been restored, what do you want from me?"  
  
"I'm going to get what I want. There is going to be a change, she doesn't want me like this, then I'll get what I want and show her.... then she'll see. "  
  
*********************######################**************************  
  
"How are you holding up?"  
  
"Huh... Oh, good. You?"  
  
"Well I have to say I kinda like Angel's crew. They all seem really nice, and Wesley...."  
  
"Quel bad ass. You seem to like that girl, Fred. I mean you've been hanging around her."  
  
"Yeah, she reminds me of Willow in high school, except a lot smarter.... if there is such an animal. But then she's not like her, you know? I just really like her."  
  
"Really like her? Really really like like her?"  
  
"Naw, you know she has some thing with Wes, I could feel the thing between them. And she just broke up with Gunn. And I think Angel might have a thing for her...." Xander turned and faced Buffy with a beaming smile that she couldn't help but return.  
  
"You know it kinda feels like old times? You and me on patrol-"  
  
"Gossiping."  
  
"Hey, I'm too manly to gossip. But you know what I mean, right? Here we are talking and... When we used to do this, it felt like the world got smaller. Like there was you, me, and the nasties. But the rest of it, all that bad stuff just kinda slipped away."  
  
"When you fight for your life it does seem kinda trivial if you think about other problems. But I do know what you mean. You and me, in the cemetery, talking about anything. It's comforting.... and I do realize how weird it sounds when I say being in the cemetery is comforting."  
  
"So I'm not the only one. Seriously, you seem to take the Fang gang's entrance like a blow to the puppy. What gives?"  
  
"I don't know. Seeing Angel isn't exactly giving me the warmest of feelings. And now we have to go patrolling in teams to make sure no demon tries to end the world. And on top of it Dawn snores.... She says it was because she wasn't in her own bed, but I highly doubt that."  
  
"If you aren't getting any sleep why don't you have Dawn move back in her own room and I can sleep downstairs."  
  
"With Fre- You and Angel would kill each other within an hour, no way."  
  
"Well no one likes a cranky slayer, so how do you suggest we deal with it?"  
  
"Would you mind sleeping in my room?"  
  
"Geeze Buff, I've waited years to get into your room, how could I say no? I'll get a sleeping bag and bunk on the floor."  
  
"Thanks Xander."  
  
*************  
  
Buffy pulled back the sheets from her bed. Looking over at the carpenter setting up his sleeping bag; she felt bad. She was no longer working, and as of last month Xander was the reason this house was still hers. She had a lot to thank him for, and having him sleep on the floor wasn't really showing her appreciation.  
  
"Xand you're going to hurt your back sleeping on that hard floor. You should sleep in the bed with me, I don't bite."  
  
"You know romance novels start like this." Xander started a mockingly dramatic tone, "The two share a bed and find that the tension between them grows until they can't stand it." He seemed to think for a moment, "You know porno movies start out like that-"  
  
"Owww!!"  
  
"Owww!!  
  
"owwww!!"  
  
"And one to grow on you perv!" Buffy hit him for the fourth time.   
  
"Owwww!! Geeze I was just kidding." They were both still smiling when he laid out his sleeping bag on top of the covers on opposite side of Buffy. They both crawled into bed and Xander zipped the sleeping bag around him. They lay there for a moment staring at the ceiling. Buffy was the one to break the silence.   
  
"I didn't really hurt you did I?"  
  
"Not if you don't count my ego."   
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I know the past couple of years.... the whole Spike incident.... I missed you. I like being here with you.... and not feeling all alone."  
  
Buffy looked over to her friend watching as he looked up, seemingly thinking of nothing, or naked girls. Then he came out and said what he really was thinking, no one was so complex as Xander Harris.  
  
"Me too. G'night Xand."  
  
"Night Buff."  
  
*********** 


	10. bickering through all 50 states

"I didn't know you came here." Buffy sat next to her friend. The air was warm, just like any day in Sunnydale, California.  
  
"Yeah.... I do sometimes. Like when I left Anya at the alter... I guess I didn't know where else to go. Why are you here?"  
  
"Got a little crowded. I know I should be all gung ho about this thing Angel's here for, but it doesn't really seem that big a deal."  
  
"Doesn't that seem just a little jaded?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess your right. So why are you here?"  
  
"Just thinking. I don't do it very often so I thought I would think in the quiet."  
  
"Are you thinking about this demon?"  
  
"I'm thinking it's a good thing you didn't keep those powers that helped you read peoples minds."  
  
"Ohhhh you're thinking of me naked."  
  
Xander burst out laughing. He couldn't help it, the memory of the way she looked at him, 'Is that all you think about?' And then him running off.   
  
"Naw, I'm just thinking about things, the way I wanted them to be, and the way they are."  
  
"That whole heart stopping thing was not on my top ten list. And dying. Then there is being the slayer, falling in love with a vampire, having sex with a vampire, having to fight off the first evil. I was going to marry a big football star, be a Dallas Cheerleader. What were you going to do Xand?"  
  
"I don't know really. I just knew I wasn't going to be my father. After that, I didn't care much what I did. It was ok for me to be a directionless looser, as long as I didn't hurt the people I loved. Then this girl came along, and she ruined everything. She changed everything I knew was true about life."   
  
He looked over to Buffy who at the moment was feeling very guilty for what she had done to him. He smiled, something she wasn't expecting, and spoke again.  
  
"Thank you. If it weren't for you Buff I would have never known what I was able to do, the kind of person I am capable of being. Because of you I may not make the most money, or ever leave this one Starbucks town, but I'm a part of the fight against evil. And I help in the fight, not because I'm sure we're gonna win, but because its worth fighting for. Its not the end of the battle that matters, its what you do to get there, it proves who you are. I now know who I am, and I have you to thank."  
  
He hugged her then, and they stayed there until the sun came down on Joyce Summer's grave.  
  
***************  
  
Angel was cursing himself for not seeing it in the text sooner. He looked at the time, he had to call Giles and tell him what was to come.  
  
"Giles, there is no time, you need to come to Sunnydale."  
  
"Is my presence really necessary? I am trying to re-build some kind of council over here, of course I'm not making it exactly like that old barbaric coun-"  
  
"Giles, if you don't come now there will be no England."  
  
"Right, I'll be right there."   
  
*************  
  
"Qorzble?"   
  
"Yes."  
  
"The name isn't all that intimidating."  
  
Angel looked annoyed at the slayer.   
  
"It wants to end the world, and the Codex says it could happen."  
  
"I thought the Codex was more concrete than that. Like when it said Buffy would die. I didn't think there would be maybes."  
  
Xander was unsure about this whole prophecy, but mostly he was afraid. Afraid it was right and the world would end.  
  
"Well I didn't actually look in the codex, I was reading a volume when it referred to the codex. Giles has the volumes we need, he's coming back from England to help."  
  
"So the prophecy in the Codex could say Buffy kicks its butt and we celebrate? Cause I'm all for that."  
  
"Or it could say it's the end of the world." Gunn pointed out.  
  
"You guys never see the glass half full, do you?" Dawn looked over to the LA crew, noting all their grim faces, with the exception of Lorne.  
  
"Girlie is right, I think we should hope for the best."  
  
"So when the worst happens we can be caught with our heads between our knees?"   
  
"You're not going to start your speeches again, are you?" Willow looked over to her friend who looked like she was about to give the group an earful.  
  
"Oh come off it Will, my speeches weren't that bad."  
  
"You lectured a Plummer.... on the phone."  
  
"If you don't want to listen Thats fine. But I'm the general, the one in charge. And when it comes to fight, whether you came with best intentions or not doesn't matter, we HAVE to win. You people don't like my speeches but maybe it would be good for you to listen once and a while, you might learn something."  
  
"And you would think after all this time being the slayer it would have gotten through your head by now."  
  
Xander got up and went to get his coat. He thought this harsh cruel Buffy would be gone. But maybe the other one, his friend, was the one that didn't belong. Maybe the slayer had already taken over her. He wasn't going to stick around and watch his friend die.   
  
"You're leaving?" She said it as thought she had never expected him to do it.  
  
"Yeah, I am. Buff, if you hadn't noticed you would be nowhere without every single one of us. You wanna make speeches? Don't make them to the people who have saved your life more times than anyone can count. The reason you are so powerful, is us. We make you powerful. Think about that, maybe you'll learn something."  
  
"Are you trying to teach me how to be the slayer?"  
  
"No, I'm trying to teach you how to be like the rest of us. Human...... no offence."  
  
"None taken." Lorne and Angel said simultaneously. Xander slammed the door once he had conformation he hadn't offended any demons. Buffy sat there with her cheeks still flushed with anger towards the man that just left the room. Willow got up and ushered Kennedy and Dawn out with her. She waited for the other two women to get to the top of the steps before she spoke.  
  
"Remember Adam Buffy. You need him. You need to get him back." She met her girlfriend at the top of the stairs. Buffy looked to the LA crew who were silent. None were willing to speak since this was really none of their business. But Angel spoke up; "He saved you life, more than once. You should talk to him. I know you two are the kind of friends.... You'll be no good without him. If you want we can go, rent a couple of motel rooms-"  
  
"No, I'll go."  
  
********************  
  
Xander woke up with a start. He looked at the far right corner of his bed and saw the shadowed petite form.  
  
"Buff."  
  
"I didn't mean you."  
  
"It doesn't matter. The knife is still in my back. I said what I said today and you practically spit it back in my face."  
  
"I don't know what came over me. I want everyone to come out of this ok. Now it's not a room full of potentials I have to protect, it's the people I love. The people I don't want to ever think about living without. I guess I kinda got crazed."  
  
"You think maybe Thats too much for one person? Maybe you might try letting people in. I of all people know you should start to let people in and take some of that burden off. If you don't than your heart might stop beating, then there's this whole thing with weird funky dreams of slayers...."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"I know."  
  
Right before Xander fell asleep he felt the covers pull back and the bed move to the extra weight next to him.  
  
****************  
  
"It looks like Buffy, but the funny things she's doing in my kitchen make me think she's a Buffy-bot."  
  
Xander sat down at the counter looking at the stacks of food that were already prepared.   
  
"An attitude like that wont get you any more waffles mister. This is just an extension of the earlier 'Buffy is really sorry' statement."  
  
"Thanks. Did you call the others and say where you are, you're ok, and you're really sorry for what you said last night but it was mostly because you were all stressed out?"  
  
"I thought the groveling would go better in person. Giles is due to be here sometime this afternoon so I think I'll go see them before then."  
  
"Giles is bringing the codex, right?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
She said slowly, knowing he was thinking of changing that some how.  
  
"You know we could go on a road trip. You, me, Dawnster, Wills. We've taken care of these apocaplases; let some one else handle this one. I mean it; we should at least get one off. We can drive to all fifty states."  
  
He told her hopefully. She wanted so much for something like that to happen.  
  
"Xand there is something I've been meaning to tell you something about that 'driving to all fifty states' thing...." 


	11. what's going on?

Giles stood in front of the group of sullen faces. He regretted doing this, but he had no other alternative.  
  
"The codex does talk of this. I've tried to translate it any other way, but it seems there is no way around it. It says that in order to stop this apocalypse someone close to the slayer will have to fight for her. The slayer can't fight herself, although it's a bit sketchy as to why. It doesn't say if they die or not, but it doesn't look all that promising. The word they use to describe this person... I have no translation for it. I'm going to try to look up mentions of it in other texts but...."  
  
"I'd hate to say I told you so guys."  
  
"What do we do now?"  
  
"Well once we figure out who the prophecy talks about.... I think we may have to train them.... or they will have to get comfortable with using the powers they posses."  
  
"You think its Willow?"  
  
"It does talk of the person being as strong as the slayer, I think the only other person here with that power is Willow."  
  
"Or dead boy."  
  
"Yes well it did mention that this person was alive so that takes any vampires out of the running."  
  
Willow was taking all this in. She might have to use her powers to take another life. Demon or otherwise the thought was scary.   
  
"So we research? What are we doing sitting here and worrying? Lets hit the books and find out the big scary thing we should be afraid of."  
  
"We'll still be afraid."  
  
"Yes but this wont be aimless fear. This fear will have a big scary target." Xander said to Fred. It almost made her laugh; the thought of humor in the face of death wasn't something she was very used to. She more or less was used to brooding in the face of death.  
  
"As much as I'd hate to say it Xander is right. Lets stop wasting time. Xander, why don't you work with Fred?"  
  
Xander and Fred walked out of the dinning room and into the living room where books were covering the walls.  
  
"Are you familiar with the Islay volumes?"  
  
"Yeah... We have 4 through 9 here."  
  
"Great, I've got the first three and volume 10. Why don't you take mine and I'll take yours?"  
  
"Deal. What are you hoping to find in there? They barely talk about the slayer."  
  
"Yes, but they do allude to champions, and other human fighters."  
  
"But the fighters are never really described beyond their death or life, it never talks about what they had to do in their final battle."  
  
"Wow. I'm impressed you know this much.... I didn't mean to insult.... I guess you don't seem like the type that studies this stuff all that much. I'd think you'd find it kinda boring. That is most people do..... You're right, but I think if we can find a name to whoever this person is, or a name they call them we can reference it to other books."  
  
"You're the boss. And to tell you the truth I wouldn't normally know all that much but about five months ago we found this body to this Glhorga demon and we really should be getting to work. God did I of all people just say that?"  
  
*******************  
  
"Hey Buffy. How's the training going?" Willow walked down the basement stairs to her friend. She looked around and realized something.  
  
"You know you haven't been down here since..."  
  
"Yeah, after what happened with Xander... I don't really like being down here all that much anymore."  
  
"So why are you down here training? Shouldn't you be upstairs researching?"  
  
"I like it better down here."  
  
Willow tried very hard to hide her smile, although it wasn't all that necessary since her friend wasn't facing her. Nevertheless she didn't want the slayer to detect the hint of laughter in her voice.  
  
"Because of Fred and Xander?"  
  
"I don't know what you mean."  
  
"You so do! I see the way you look at him looking at her. I'm just thankful you feel it now, maybe now you know how I feel."  
  
"What did I do to you Will?"  
  
"You became best friends with my best friend. Xander talks with you, tells you things he would never tell me, and you don't think I'd be a little jealous? You see him and Fred talking and you're getting worried that he's going to have another friend to tell things to and make you not the best friend anymore. I know how you feel Buffy."  
  
"Yeah, you do. But not the way you think."  
  
"Ok, I thought I explained myself pretty well... There's nothing wrong with my explanation is there?"   
  
Buffy didn't know what else to do, she hurried up the steps and shutting the door behind her, leaving a very bewildered Wicca in the basement. 


	12. I'm in training with you

Kennedy turned and faced her lover. She gently caressed her cheek waiting for her eyes to lock into her own.   
  
"What's wrong?" She asked in her most soothing tone.  
  
"I'm just worried about Buffy."  
  
"But not about what's going on with this demon."  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
"I know you. Your face. It's not the I'm-worried-this-apocalapse-is-going-to-be-apocaliptic face. Its the my-friend-is-hurting-but-not-because-they've-been-hit face. Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"There is nothing I can do about it. But then I think, I don't really want to do anything about it. I know its mean and I shouldn't feel this way, but she broke my best friend's heart. First figuratively; then literally. I just got to get my mind off this."  
  
"Is there anything I can do to help with that?" Her tone turned from soothing to seductive. Willow gave her a sly smile.  
  
"It wouldn't hurt to try...."  
  
********************  
  
Xander rubbed his eyes and looked down at the volume again.  
  
"Nope, still not words."  
  
"Lets take a break."  
  
"There is not enough coffee in the world.... You wanna get out of here?"  
  
"What about the end of the world?"  
  
"If the world ends while we're out we'll notice. Come on, I'll buy."  
  
******  
  
"And that right there is where I saw my first vampires. One was Darla and the other was this guy that looked like De Barge." Xander pointed with his ice cream.  
  
"Ohh, and there is where Angelus put Buffy in the hospital... I don't mean he carried her, I mean he kinda beat her up."  
  
"Wow, I never... I mean....."  
  
"Who was your first vampire?"  
  
"I never saw one before I opened that book and went to Pylea. So Angel was actually my first vampire."  
  
"Yeah, how are hell dimensions?"  
  
"Not fun. I don't recommend it."  
  
"So, why?"  
  
"Why what? Why don't I recommend going to a hell dimension?"  
  
"Why do any of this. From non-super power human to non-super power human, its not the best gig. You get passed over, left behind at the homestead. Why not get your mathematic groove on and live a normal life?"  
  
"I'm with people who love me.... some type of screwed up family. And in Pylea the bad guys always won... I like to help the good guys. You?"  
  
"Same. I think we should be getting back, it's getting late."  
  
*********************  
  
"I've found it!" Giles took off his glasses then looked up with a painful expression at the group that crowded him.  
  
"Why don't you guys go in the other room?"  
  
The room emptied until only the original Scoobies and Dawn remained.   
  
"Who is it?"  
  
"Xander."  
  
"Me? Are you sure you aren't reading it wrong?"  
  
"I can't be. It specifically points to you. It also says you must fight to the death."  
  
"Does it say who's?"  
  
"No."  
  
"So to repeat myself, where do we go from here?"  
  
"Buffy has to train Xander. You guys have to find out more about the thing he is going to face, a weak spot would be nice."  
  
"No, I know a way that would be better. Lets stop this. I don't fight to the death, I fight to the 'hurt badly but then Buffy saves my hide.'"  
  
"I know it must be a shock, but you already know that everything in the Codex happens."  
  
"Ok, but I'm living proof that doesn't matter. I heard the prophecy and went down to the master's layer anyway, had I known that I'm what released the master I would have stayed home."  
  
"Oh, I see what your saying. I could just stick my fingers in my ears and never 'hear' a prophecy."  
  
"Xander, I know you must be scared but you do know you can do nothing of the sort."  
  
It was Buffy's turn to try and comfort Xander. "Training wont be that hard, you've been fighting long enough so we can just skip the basics and get right down to the hard core stuff."  
  
"Hey Buff, you wanna watch that mouth of yours? Young lady in the room." Xander pointed at Dawn then winked.  
  
"You can even use the entire Magic Box, since it still looks kinda like a war zone."  
  
"Its funny. You know the kind of funny that makes you want to play jump rope with your own intestines." Xander paused for a moment. "You should tell the others what's happening. That is if they aren't eavesdropping."  
  
"Hey! We don't eavesdrop!....ooops..."  
  
***********************  
  
Xander sat down between the rubble in the magic shop. He and Buffy had been training every day for the past three weeks. The Magic Box had been turned into some kind of training playground. The first day it was set up Buffy had seemed very happy and proud of both their work. She was in her element and had confessed to him she was happy she could share it with him.   
  
Unlike Riley or Angel, Xander refused to fight /i Buffy. She knew it might have something to do with his father. It also could have been that he didn't want to try and fight her. She was the slayer and he wasn't, he knew no amount of training would make him as strong as her and he was ok with that. That was something else Buffy wasn't used to. Most men wanted to see if they could take her on, someone who was comfortable with her being so strong was something she only saw in Xander.  
  
They were now both sitting on the floor trying to catch their breath.   
  
"That last part was really good."  
  
"Ya think? I thought maybe that last thing with the axe was a little sloppy."  
  
"No, it was good. Especially since it was your first time doing it."  
  
"Well I do have the best teacher in the world."  
  
He gave her one of his Xander half smiles and handed her some water.   
  
"Buffy... I hope you don't... Don't hate me, ok? I have to tell you something."  
  
Buffy braced herself to hear the worst and nodded for him to continue.  
  
"I bought Giles out. The Magic shop is mine... well actually... I'm giving it to you. I know how much you love this place, and they'll never be able to fix it up for retail anyway."  
  
"Oh My God!!!! Xander!" Buffy turned to her friend and hugged him, forcing him to lie amongst the rubble.  
  
"This is the sweetest thing any one has ever done for me!! I can't believe you did this!!"   
  
She looked down at him and felt so overwhelmed with so many emotions. She pressed her lips to his, but was cut short when he pushed her off him.  
  
"Buffy, no."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because... I don't need to be thanked like that. I did it because I wanted to make you happy."  
  
"You do. You make me happy."  
  
"But that doesn't mean you need to /i me a happy."  
  
Xander ran his hands through his hair and they both sat there silent for a few moments.  
  
"I'm in love with you Xander."   
  
Xander stared at her as though she were insane, and then shook his head.  
  
"Well you have the worst timing ever." 


	13. Welcome to Superiorland!

Buffy wiped the tears away and tried to compose herself.   
  
"I understand if you don't feel anything right now for me, but if you try I'll wait."  
  
"God Damn Buffy!! I have to stop an apocalypse! If I don't the world will end, and you tell me you love me! The world is going to be in my hands. Not only that, but YOU love ME!! When did this happen?!"  
  
"I don't really know! I tried not to! But every time I used to talk about someone I would like to end up with I was always describing someone like you. Then I realized, I don't want someone like you, I want you you. You make me happy, I can't explain it but.... I want to go back in time. I want to talk to that 15-year-old girl and tell her what she's missing out on. I want to tell her to go have the best dance of her life with the one man that she can be happy with."  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"I know, ok? You don't want to hear it. That's fine."  
  
"I wanted it for so long... But what kind of life would we lead? You say you're in love with me but how could we ever make a relationship work? You know there is no way. All slayers die early, and I can't do it Buffy. I can't have you then have to let you go because some demon gets the best of you on your off night. You can't stop being the slayer, its who you are, and I can't say good bye to you. Not again."  
  
Buffy looked up to him and stared for a few seconds.  
  
"You never said you weren't in love with me. Are you in love with me?"  
  
"Its not enough. Not anymore."   
  
"Its not like you're never in danger. We can make it work. If we both make sacrifices...please? If we just try... I love you, you love me. That should be enough."  
  
"Buffy, please don't make this harder than it already is."  
  
"Fine, lets just go home."  
  
***********************  
  
Everyone was already asleep when they entered the Summer's home. They tip toed upstairs and into Buffy's room. Xander stared at the bed. On one side was his sleeping bag, he caught Buffy staring at the same thing he was. Something had just changed with them. They were now in love. Not only that, but they were not doing anything about that. Were their sleeping arrangements to change too? Of course now they couldn't share the same bed.   
  
"You want me on the floor?" Xander finally asked.  
  
"You know I don't. But of course that's what you want."  
  
"I think it's for the best."  
  
"Well I don't."  
  
"Buffy, we talked about this-"  
  
"No, you just gave up like a little kid. You said your peace and wouldn't see anything any different."  
  
"And this in no way reflects you."  
  
"Yeah, but I'm the one that wants to work it out."  
  
"Oh, so that makes you better? Welcome back 'Superior Buffy.'"  
  
"I am not being superior!"   
  
"SSSSHHHHHH!"   
  
"Oh, sorry. Anyway, you're the one that's superior here."  
  
"How in the hell do you come up with that??"  
  
"Because of what I did with Spike that makes me not good enough. I know ok? I'll never be good enough for you that's fine."  
  
"You not good enough for me?? Buffy is there anyway you have been sniffing glue lately? No one here isn't good enough for the other. It's just... God Damnit Buffy!! You ever think that sleeping in the same bed with you is acute torture for me? Or all of this training and sweating? And the whole you are Buffy so automatically the most beautiful person I have ever seen isn't helping my situation any. And here we are and we are arguing and I don't know why but I'm thinking thoughts.... These are not good thoughts. And I can't have you and I know it and it makes it that much worse."  
  
"You can. I'll give you anything you want."  
  
"Buffy, you know that sounds-"  
  
"You'd do the same. All I have to do is walk a few feet and you know if I ask you can't resist me. You'd do anything to make me happy, and I'd do the same. Even if that meant no relationship."  
  
"But that what I want. Thats the one thing I want the most."  
  
"Then take it."  
  
"I.... I can't."  
  
"We can get a picket fence and put it up around the house. Get a puppy. Xander.... I'm not going to have my powers forever, you do know that don't you?"  
  
"Buff, powers or not you are a hero. Its what you do."  
  
"I do it because you believe in me. I can live without it. I can be a hero in a different way, just as long as you believe in me. After this apocalypse we can call it quits. We can move away from the hell mouth, and be together."  
  
"Buffy I-"  
  
"Just think about it, ok? Tell me your answer when you save the world... again."  
  
Xander smiled and hopped into his sleeping bag. Without saying another word Buffy walked to the other side of the bed and lay next to her friend.  
  
"I love you Buffy."  
  
"I know."  
  
*************************  
  
"Giles something is still bothering me." Willow sat down next to the watcher and took the jar of jam he was struggling with and opened it easily.  
  
"What exactly is bothering you?"  
  
"When you said it was Xander, you had no question, you just knew it. How can you be so sure?"  
  
"You want to know what exactly the text says?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"It referred to the Champion known as the White Knight."  
  
"Ok, but how do you go from there to Xander?"  
  
Giles swallowed the piece of toast and continued. "It said the champion was a champion of his own making, meaning if he didn't turn out to be the person he is he wouldn't be a Champion. People like Angel have no choice in the matter. Also it said the vampire that is given life shall know him. I asked Angel if he had known a white knight. He said Angelus called Xander that one time."  
  
"Did he say when?"  
  
"I didn't think it mattered. Does this answer your question? Can I go back to eating my breakfast?"  
  
Willow smiled and thanked the watcher, allowing him to finish his meal.  
  
***************************  
  
Buffy lay there waiting. She had a smile on her face although she really had no reason to be so happy. He never said yes, but she figured she was happy because he didn't say no. She saw his eyes slowly open and look over in her direction.   
  
"Morning."  
  
"Hey Buffy. So... Tonight is going to be the last Scooby meeting until..."  
  
"Yeah. Giles wants to start it before sundown. He says all the signs point to tonight.... God you've come so far.... I just.... I want to be able to do this with you. You shouldn't do this alone."  
  
"Right, but the reason I have to fight might be that you do go down there but get your throat slashed. Lets not worry about it right now. Do you think we should train for the day?"  
  
"No, lets relax today. At least till the meeting."  
  
________________________________________________________________________________  
A/N: I am sorry this is soo slow, but I found my muse drunk in a bar called the Blue Oyster mumbling to itself "Soul? Who cares.... I'll show you soul... bitca. They can just change the name to #1spikefan. (Hiccup) Bite her myself. Look mommy, pink elephants..." It was a real sad site. In other words I am not the biggest fan of Buffy right now, so in my mind I'm asking myself... 'And she deserves him why?' And to make matters worse my beta can't get to a computer at all now... and she is going to co-write the last chapters with me. I was thinking I could just do the 'Clue' thing and end this now with an ending I'm not really happy with, then later when my co-author comes back I could end it the right way. Or I could put a big fat TBC at the end of this and just sit on my hands till my beta comes back. (Sigh) Anyway, please R&R! 


	14. The eye of the hurricane

The opening of the Hell mouth was very small, Xander hardly knew if he could crawl through, let alone fight whatever it was he had to, to stop the end of the world. He hugged Buffy goodbye, deciding no words would be able to say what needed to be said.   
  
It was almost funny, here they were at the remnants of the hell mouth again; school never to be built again, all alone. He would have been all alone if it hadn't been for Buffy. Jessie and Willow would be vampires, no Scooby meetings; no picking on Giles because he was English, nothing would be the same without her. But he knew it would be the same for him, Buffy would be gone without him. Just as much as he breathed life into her, She breathed life into him. She gave him a reason, a mission. And he was finally happy being out of the spotlight.   
  
The heart and the body, standing there with no sounds to be heard. None needed to.   
  
And here they were, in the middle of nowhere, just the two of them. It was so peaceful, and yet the next moments were going to be chaos. They were in the eye of the hurricane, ready to be swallowed whole.   
  
He turned and crawled through and didn't stop until he came to a large opening. He lit a few flares and threw them in, along with a high-powered light or two. He looked around and saw nothing, but recognized a familiar smell, tobacco. The thing he had to fight was smoking.   
  
"Hey, lets get this ass kicking going, I've got a girl waiting." He yelled to the occupant. He heard some rustling, then heard a strangely familiar voice.   
  
"You aren't supposed to fight, she is."  
  
"I'm a party crasher. So you ready to fulfill this prophecy thing? Cause this is my first one, I don't exactly know what I'm doing."  
  
The figure stepped out of the shadows and walked towards Xander. Xander finally saw the face of his opponent.  
  
"Spike. Well I knew that whole 'don't hit me cause I've got a soul' thing was crap. I thought you were above trying to end the world though."  
  
Spike put out his smoke and smiled.  
  
"You see the only reason anyone cares if the world ends or not is what ties them to it. I had Dru, Buffy, and some other things I always used to love. But once that connection is disposed of, you really don't care anymore. This is me now, no ties. Finally free."   
  
"I'm never going to let you end the world Spike."  
  
"Heck I really don't care if I end the world or not, either way I'll go down fighting. But Droopy, let me ask you this. Do you really think that any of your ties will matter after this fight? Do you really think she could love you after you kill me? Buffy 'n me have a connection. It isn't pretty, but do you think she will let you on top of her after you stake me? You know her song and dance. 'Spike has a soul'. 'Xander, how could you kill him, he had a soul'?" Spike laughed at what seemed to be his own joke, although Xander couldn't see the punch line.  
  
"Why don't you side with me? Huh Boy? You wouldn't have to go though the pain of loosing her again, loosing her to me for a second time. Loosing her to the Darkne-"   
  
Xander shot Spike three times in the gut.   
  
"Stop talking and start fighting."  
  
"You'll never beat me, you aren't the slayer." Spike got up and tried to stand on two feet, even though he was a little wobbly.  
  
"No, I'm not. But it's going to feel real good when this Joe Normal kicks the unliving crap out of you." Xander shot two more rounds in his chest.   
Spike got up again, but it was harder for him to keep his balance this time.   
  
"They burn." He managed through clenched teeth.   
  
"Yeah, thought I'd sprinkle some holy water on them first. Wont kill you, but it gives me an advantage."  
  
"Confident aren't we Droopy? If I didn't know any better I'd say it wasn't you."  
  
"Confident? A little. But mostly, I just hate you."  
  
Then they went into hand to hand. Spike starting things off with a punch to the face, then Xander hitting Spike in the stomach where the first bullets landed. The fight ensued, with one getting the better of the other, then the other gaining control.   
  
That was until Xander finally found his gun again and shot Spike right between the eyes. Spike went down, but did not turn to dust.   
  
A very exhausted Xander grabbed a stake he had and hobbled over to where Spike's body lay. He fell to his knees, and just as he was ready to put the stake in his heart, Spike grabbed his neck and started to drink his blood. Xander screamed and quickly staked the vampire, then fell down exhausted on the dust formally known as Spike. He thought he heard someone coming, but before he could look to see, he passed out. 


	15. what about Bill?

"Humans... Humans break so easily. It's sad really. Look how weak you are. You're pathetic. You should wake up so you can know how much of an honor it would be to lick the entrails off my heals. Wakey Wakey."  
  
Xander's eyes fluttered open. He saw a person, or what looked like one, sitting on a bolder off in a dimly lit corner.   
  
"What are you?" He rasped. The being got up and jumped around.   
  
"Finally, you're awake. I thought you were never going to wake up. Let me introduce myself. I am the thing that is going to end the world."  
  
"But Spike..."  
  
"Oh please. Give the bad guys some credit sweetie. Like we would allow him to be in charge of something so important." It started to pace in front of Xander. He tried to get up, but couldn't.  
  
"But the prophecy said...."  
  
"You'll fight to the death and the winner would dictate whether the world would end or not. Well darling I hope you know that if Spike would have won, it wouldn't have mattered; the world would have been safe. But now that you've killed him, the world's going to end. All thanks to you my pet. I thought you would have learned by now, prophecies are tricky things."  
  
"Oh my god."  
  
"Trust me baby, when this is all over you're going to be begging for the devil. He'd be kinder than what's to come."  
  
"What are you?"  
  
"Baby I came before the demons, the plagues, the hell gods. But you can just call me Bill. Xander, how do you feel about going bad?" He could sense the smile in the things voice; it seemed to know the answer already.  
  
"Get away from him."  
  
"Oh, look at you with all the power. You aren't righteous. What makes you think you are going to influence him to stay as the good lap dog he's always been? Heck, you'd join me faster than he would. We all know what you are."  
  
"I may have been a whore, but that doesn't make me evil. He'll do the right thing. Now get out now."  
  
"Sure. Whatever." Bill just popped out, reminding Xander the bad witch in the wizard of oz. He looked over his shoulder to see a familiar face. He got out his Cross and held it between them.  
  
"Alexander, I can't bite you."  
  
"Cause you have a soul? A lot of that going around, and yet I'm not feeling the love."  
  
"No, its because I'm dead. That was a very powerful being. It wants to end the world. I'm here to help."  
  
"Yeah, who? Who are you here to help, cause I am sure it isn't me."  
  
"Actually its all of you. The Powers that be appointed me to come down and help you."  
  
"I find it hard to believe that any powers would send you down as our honorary Glenda."  
  
"You think you're surprised? How surprised do you think I was when I got the message? Listen, why don't you go back to Buffy's house and get everyone together so I can explain myself?"  
  
"Why would I do any favors for you Darla?"  
  
"Because I'm going to help you save the world."  
  
____________________________________________________________________  
  
A/N:Who couldn't see that coming?.... This is not the first!! Bill is female, and will be explained in the next chapter!! Please R&R!! Thanks to everybody who has reviewed!! 


	16. If I only had a brain that worked

"Sorry D., couldn't find Angel."  
  
"Thats ok, I think its better that he isn't here for this. And don't call me that."  
  
"Why don't you tell me, you know, before you tell everyone else?"  
  
"Alright."  
  
"How about we start off with why in the hell you were picked to be messenger gal?"  
  
"I need to redeem myself. Do you want to know how to defeat Bill?"  
  
"Well why don't we start off with who the hell is Bill, then we go on to how to kill her."  
  
"Well she wasn't kidding when she said she was old. She is almost as old as the first. You see the first was lonely-"  
  
"Awww so it needed an evil puppy to play with? Let me guess, Bill?"  
  
"You do have a knack for taking complex ideas to their simplest form."  
  
"Its a gift. So now I guess I have to ask, how do we stop puppy from getting its bone?"  
  
"Its in the..... Islay Volumes. One of the Champions in there. If I remember correctly its volume-"  
  
"6." Memories of endless research came to Xander. Xander rubbed his temples, "God do I hate books."  
  
"You remember what it said?"  
  
"Yeah. I remember it was weird because it said it was a battle of... God what was it. Work brain!!!.... Oh, it was something like a super champion."  
  
"Exactly. Do you remember that joining spell you did with Buffy?"  
  
"You aren't going to believe me if I say no, are you?"  
  
"Not a chance. This one is different. In this spell you will be the manus."  
  
________________________________________________________  
  
AN: Another short chapter, I know. But I promise the next chapter will be longer. Please R&R! 


	17. Which Witch is which?

"So what exactly is the plan?" Lorne took another swig from his small glass.   
  
"The plan is 'super me' goes in, fights this thing. If I die, you're gonna know, cause the people doing the spell will be brought back. Thats when Angel and you guys come in and fight this thing."  
  
"And who told you this? I mean, you are sure this is on the up and up? Cause I don't feel like going into this and getting my ass handed to me."  
  
"Don't worry, I looked it up."  
  
"Uh, Xander. Maybe I should look over-"   
  
"Giles, you heard the plan. Either you're with us, or we find someone to take your place." Buffy was actually confidant that this was going to work, which made Xander feel a lot better.   
  
Everyone went off and did their respective jobs, leaving Xander and Buffy alone.   
  
"Buff, can we... Can we go talk somewhere?"  
  
"Sure." They headed over to the Magic box. They drove in silence and didn't speak even when they did get into the Magic Box. Buffy waited until Xander sat down next to her.  
  
"So, what's up?"  
  
Xander figeted nervously. "I..... Remember how I went down into the hell mouth to stop the world from ending?"  
  
She laughed, "Yes Xander, of course I remember."  
  
"I need to tell you who I fought down there. I..... I..... Oh god. Ihadtokillspike."  
  
Buffy looked at him for a moment, not showing any expression.  
  
"You did what?"  
  
"I... Ok, he was evil again. I don't exactly know how, but he was all 'grr arg, I'm gonna end the world'. I had to. I know you and him have this whole Darkness becomes you thing going on-"  
  
"Get out."  
  
"Huh?" Xander saw the look in Buffy's eyes before, right before she was about to slay something.  
  
"After.... After we stop the end of the world, I don't want to see you again."  
  
"Buffy, I did what I had to. To save you, to save the world."  
  
"You killed a good man."  
  
"I highly doubt that since he was trying to KILL ME!!"  
  
"I loved him. And you..... How can I ever look at you the same again? How can I ever love a man.... like you?"  
  
Xander composed himself and walked to the door.   
  
"I'll leave soon, after we.... I'm sorry, I... I love you."  
  
"I can never love you."  
  
#%%#%#%%#%#%#%%#%#%%#%#%%##%#%%#%#%%#%%#%%#%#%#%%#%%#%%#%  
  
*********************************************************  
  
"Bye! And Fred, I wanna borrow that book on transcendentalism when you come by again!" Willow waved off Angel and his crew. She closed the door and went over to the couch where Giles was rubbing his temples.   
  
"Is he any better?"  
  
"He still has a high fever. He isn't very lucid. He comes in and out of it, talking about Darla, and someone named Bill."  
  
"And the lack of blood isn't helping any. Less blood, less oxygen to the brain, less Xander fun time."   
  
Giles smiled at that and looked over to the Wicca. "What happened to him in there Willow? There must have been a vampire because of the bite marks, but this fever."  
  
"You think it could be mystical?"  
  
Giles put his glasses back on, "You did say you felt no power over him, no signs of such."  
  
"Yeah. I hate not being able to do anything. Its like we're back in the hospital again. Maybe... Since I didn't feel anything. Giles, I think Xander needs to go back there."  
  
"I don't think they can help him."  
  
"How could you?" Giles and Willow turned to see Buffy sitting on the stairs with tears in her eyes.  
  
"You sit there and you say you feel so sorry. You aren't! You did this to him! I knew from the beginning we should have just forgot about the prophecy. I should've been down there with him. But you told me not to! You told me!! And now look what you've done to him!"  
  
"Buffy, Giles had no way of knowing-"  
  
"He did! Prophecies are tricky things; I've been in one I should know. He should have had a back up plan! He should've.... I was supposed to be there." Giles walked up to Buffy never breaking eye contact with her.  
  
"We all did the best we could. Now is not a time for us to assign blame. We have to figure out how to make this right."  
  
"Giles, what's happening to him? Ever since I found him... How can we make this right if we don't know what's happening to him?"  
  
Giles thought for a second, then a realization came to him.  
  
"Willow, is it possible that a being could be so strong they could mask their mystical energy?"  
  
"Maybe, but why?"  
  
"Because I think if something is doing this to Xander, it wouldn't want to be known. I think Xander is still in the midst of fulfilling the prophecy."  
  
__________________________________________________________  
  
A/N: So, what do you think? Interesting? Boring? I'll have fries with that? Please Review, and thanks to everyone who already has. 


	18. Tomato makes no sense

Xander had gone everywhere but Buffy's. He went to see Joyce, the cemeteries, even the park.   
  
He was even debating on whether to go to the psycho ward in the hospital.   
  
8 hours later he decided they needed to finish with this looming evil, then he could go meet the guy who talked to his hand he named 'Steve' in the loony bin. How else was he to live without Buffy in his life? Bogarting the last Twinkie, smacking him for being Xander, and that.... that smile.   
  
And now all of it was gone, because he saved the world.   
  
If he could change things, would he do the same thing again? Hell yes. Buffy would still hate him, but she would be alive. So would the rest of the people he loved; and that outweighed Buffy's good opinion. Strike that, it outweighed Buffy hating him for the rest of his life.   
  
She did forgive him for Angel, could she in time forgive him for Spike?   
  
He couldn't hope that far ahead, all he could do was wallow in his misery. He was good at that, he had practice.   
  
He knew where the key was; he opened the door and went straight to the basement, not wanting to hear a word from anyone.   
  
Any type of normalcy would be unbearable; having to pretend everything was ok when his world was slowly collapsing in on itself would be torture.   
  
He lay down on the stone cold floor and finally fell asleep.   
  
******  
  
Xander was making himself a sandwich. He finally got up out of the basement once he heard the Fang Gang and the remaining Scoobies leaving. Leaving for what he didn't care, as long as he didn't have to face them.   
  
He started to slice the tomato, not really paying attention to what he was doing. Of course having a knife and not really paying attention to what you are doing with it was not the best of ideas. The knife sliced right through his finger.   
  
Xander was fully ready to scream his head off, but he didn't.   
  
There was no blood; and more importantly, especially to Xander, there was no pain.  
  
"Huh.... That's weird." 


	19. Bill isnt making the effort

A/N: %&%&&%&%&&%= Change between Xander's place and Sunnydale.  
  
"Did you find anything?" Giles was hovering over Willow.   
  
"Not yet. I'm still looking in the Volumes of Grybulii."  
  
Exasperated Giles slammed shut the volume. "You wont find anything in there! I told you the demons in there all have bodies of flesh, if this thing is in Xander's head do you really think it could have a physical body?!"  
  
"Giles!! Stop yelling at me! I'm trying my best, I'm sure that Xander can take care of himself for a little while longer."   
  
"Yes well I don't want to chance anything, we have wasted enough time already!"  
  
"Giles, Xander is going to be alright. We're going to figure this out."  
  
"I understand that Willow, but if this thing needs something of Xander's while he is in this.... coma.... The world could end. We need to help Xander fight whatever this is."  
  
"You do know you're starting to sound like Buffy."  
  
"Yes, and after this apocalypse I will surely be put on medication. Now, if you could look in the T'qyadir Index I would appreciate it."  
  
*******  
  
"I found out what Bill is." Buffy placed the book in front of Giles.  
  
"The thing Xander was talking about."  
  
"Yeah, its some kinda soul eater."  
  
"Companion of the first...."  
  
"Like a big evil puppy."  
  
"Quite. Oh dear."  
  
"Oh no."   
  
Willow came running into the room closely followed by Dawn.   
  
"We heard an 'Oh dear.'"   
  
Dawn nodded. "Those are never good."  
  
"This Bill wants to-"  
  
"Wait I missed something, the big evil is called Bill?" Dawn spoke up.  
  
"Yes." Giles removed his glasses to clean them again, not really wanting to listen to the conversation that was about to come.  
  
"Ok, but this baddie has had like forever to come up with some badass name and yet they go for 'Bill'? I just don't feel the effort on their part. I mean here we are treating this like it's the end of the world-"  
  
"Because it very well could be-"  
  
"And they don't even pick a cool name. I mean I would never be able to tell my friends-"  
  
"Mostly because you have none."  
  
"That we defeated this big bad named Bill, I would be a laughing stock."  
  
"What is a laughing stock? Stock of what?"  
  
"Laughing."  
  
"She makes a good point. What exactly does that mean?"  
  
"Could we please get back to the imminent death and destruction of the world now?" Giles put his glasses back on and with a look, dared anyone to tell him no.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Yeah, whatever."  
  
"You don't have to be so British about it." Dawn sat down at the table and tried not to look at the glaring Englishman.  
  
"Bill is a soul eater-"  
  
"Evil puppy of the First, we got that."  
  
"To become a part of this realm, this reality, it has to eat the soul of a Champion. Which in our case is of course Xander."  
  
"So how does this thing eat souls?"  
  
"By making the victim willing to give up their lives and... Well the rest is a little unclear. Also something about infecting the blood."  
  
"Xander's bite! The Vampire was a set up! He was meant to kill it."  
  
"A follower of Bill that sacrificed itself so that Xander could get the poison in his system."  
  
"Wow."  
  
"So, how exactly do we help Xander?" Willow looked over to the watcher hopefully, but found no comfort in the look he was giving her.  
  
"Nothing. The substance that infected Xander; it can't be duplicated. Xander has to conquer this on his own."  
  
%&%&%&&%&%&%&%&%&%%&  
  
Xander kept twisting the knife, blade down, on the Dinning room table. Willow walked in the door and looked over to him for a moment.  
  
"Its you. Anyone else home? Anyone who isn't a murderer?"  
  
Xander looked around and gave her a haunting smile.  
  
"Every one we know is a murderer. You're out of luck."  
  
"God, stop with the cryptic."  
  
"Not an English major, god knows I'm not educated like you, but I don't think that's cryptic."  
  
"Geeze, why am I still talking to a person like you?"  
  
"A person like me?" Xander smiled again.  
  
"I figured something out today, a person like me."  
  
"Am I supposed to care? You murdered Spike, just leave me alone."  
  
"You see, a person like me, I never left the hell mouth. Or at least that's what I figure. I haven't actually worked out the details."  
  
"Xander, are you really that stupid? Of course you left the hell mouth, you're here aren't you?"  
  
"No, no I'm not. It's going to feel really bad."  
  
Xander gripped the knife and struck Willow in the gut.  
  
"But I'll get over it."  
  
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A/N: I don't know if I made it clear enough in the past two chapters, but Xander isnt in the actual physical Sunnydale. Also Xander's finger is not hacked off. Its as if you try to cut off a ghosts finger, thats why there was no bleeding or pain. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear enough. Please R I really want to know what you guys think. 


	20. Qorzble was forgotten

Willow looked up at Xander and lightly touched the handle of the knife in her.   
  
"Awwww.... You know no matter how much Martha Stewart says you can get these stains out-"  
  
"Bill, shut up. You aren't getting anything from me."  
  
"You know you can't fight me. Why don't you just give up?"  
  
"You're right, I can't beat you. But know this, I'm not giving up. Everyone I love is in Sunnydale right now and I'm going to do everything in my power to get back to them."  
  
"Why do you care about these people? This exact thing will happen when you get back to them. She'll never love you. It would be a whole lot easier to give in."  
  
"She did. She loved me at one point, that's enough."  
  
"Alright, enough with the chit chat. Lets get to the brawl."  
  
%&%&%&&%&%&&%&%&%&&%&%&&%&%&%&  
  
"Xander's convulsing!!" Dawn yelled down the stairs.   
  
Buffy and Giles took either side of him, trying to hold down his arms and legs that were lashing out.   
  
"Giles!! What's happening?!"  
  
"I don't know. Get Kennedy to help hold him down... NOW!"   
  
Dawn rushed out of the room trying to find the slayer in training. She ran out in the back yard where Kennedy was and brought her back upstairs. By the time she got there Xander was no longer convulsing.   
  
Willow was being held by Giles and Buffy was doing CPR. She kept saying something under her breath Dawn couldn't make out at first, but after a little while she heard it clearly, "You can't leave me. Xander, honey, just hold on please."  
  
Another minute passed and to everybody's shock Xander breathed in suddenly. He looked around a moment then looked back to Buffy.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"You really got to stop doing this." She hugged him and was soon followed by a crying Wicca, and Dawn. Once the women let go they finally asked the burning question, "What happened to you?"  
  
He explained everything about the other reality, and what he had to do. He even told them about Buffy's reaction, and ultimately every bodies reaction, to his killing Spike.   
  
After a couple of days everything turned back to normal, well normal for them. Giles decided to stay on the hell mouth since it would be cheaper than flying back and forth to England. Not that he was strapped for cash; he mostly just said that so he would have an excuse.   
  
One particularly lazy day there was a Marx Brothers marathon on and everyone was watching.   
  
"Qorzble." Xander said. Each of the Scoobies looked over to him.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"When the fang gang was here, that was the demon that was supposed to end the world."  
  
"Didn't you fight it when you went down to the hell mouth honey?" Buffy asked.  
  
"No, I fought Spike, remember? I never fought this Qorzble demon."  
  
"Huh, so what do you wanna do about it?" Kennedy looked over to him sipping her coke.  
  
**************  
  
The six Scooby members walked cautiously into the hell mouth, each with weapons in their hands. They were armed to the teeth, ready for any kind of baddie to come their way. That's when the thunderous voice came.   
  
"You will all bow down before me, for it is I, Qorzble!!"   
  
"Ok, where do you want us to cower?" Willow shouted.  
  
"I am before you....... No, look down."  
  
They all re directed their view to the ground where a 10 inch octopus looking demon thing was wailing its arms about.  
  
"Honey, it really figures this was the prophecy you were going to fulfill."  
  
"I could have had mini octopus demon thingy, but instead I got Spike and Bill? Why do I get the fuzzy end of the lollypop?"  
  
"You lesser beings are not cowering!!!"  
  
Buffy looked over to Kennedy. "Ok, slay it."  
  
"What? I'm not going to slay that thing, I have an octopus fear..... And its soo little."  
  
"Yes, well a wise man once told me that when it comes to being a slayer-"  
  
"Size doesn't matter?"  
  
Buffy nodded and stepped aside while Kennedy took the troll hammer and squished the tiny demon being. 


	21. The End

Xander set down the Jeep keys on the coffee table. He checked the mail and looked out the front window to the mountain top view he had for the past five years. Each time he saw the view he never tired of it. He breathed in deeply and yelled, "Hope!! Hope, honey I'm home!" Dawn came out of the kitchen and wiped her hands on the apron she had on. "She is upstairs. She doesn't want to be bothered right now. Said she had important work to do."  
  
"Did she say what it was?"  
  
"No, but she did put up that do not disturb sign."  
  
"So Dawnie how was the council?"  
  
"Good."  
  
"I haven't seen my favorite slayer in months, how is she?"  
  
"Great. Giles built her a new training room, she is soo happy. Like a kid in a candy store."  
  
"Speaking of kid in a candy store, how do you like the new library I helped build?"  
  
"I love it!! I mean all those books.... Oh, I'm teaching myself a new language."  
  
"Really? That makes, what.... 11?"  
  
"12!" She squealed in excitement.   
  
Xander laughed, Dawn passed up Giles in the learning department a long time ago. He said it was because he was management and could no longer try to 'look stuff up.'   
  
"So, when is the teacher coming home?"  
  
"She had to say after with a couple of students. Something about extra credit."  
  
"Oh, well how did your day go?"  
  
"Fine. You know the drill little miss watcher. I go there, tell 100 sweaty guys this is what I want to build, and they go at it. Uneventful."  
  
That was when the door opened and shut, causing cold air to infiltrate the room.  
  
"Sorry I'm late guys, you know students. They are all studious."  
  
"Its ok Buffy."  
  
"Where's Hope?"  
  
"Upstairs. Apparently she has some important work to do."  
  
"Well I have to go talk to her, come on Xander. After all she is your girl."  
  
They made there way up the stairs and knocked on the door.   
  
"Hope, honey, can I come in?" Xander waited for a moment and then opened the door.  
  
A small blonde who couldn't be more than four ran up to him giving him a big hug.   
  
"Daddy!!" She squealed in delight.   
  
"I don't get a hug?"  
  
"Sorryz momma." She turned to her mother and hugged her tightly too.   
  
"I feel there is some favoritism here."  
  
"Hope can't help it if she's a Daddy's girl." Xander brushed some hair out of the little girl's face.   
  
"Whatcha doing up here?"   
  
"Ray was being toto, and I was bein' Dorothy."  
  
"Very important work, we're sorry we disturbed you. By the way, where is Ray?"  
  
The husky came out from his hiding place and sat down next to the group.  
  
"Don't worry Ray, I wont tell the other dogs about this." The dog barked in appreciation for the people's silence.   
  
"Who's your favorite from OZ?" Hope asked looking from one parent to the other.  
  
"Well honey I-" Xander was cut off by his wife.  
  
"Gotta love a Tin man." Buffy leaned in and kissed Xander who was smiling.   
  
"Eww Mommy is gross."  
  
Xander leaned in and whispered in her ear, "I love it when you're gross Mommy."  
  
"Play your cards right and tonight I'll be really gross."   
  
Xander rubbed her stomach. "Well at least we don't have to worry about you know what."  
  
"You're really funny Daddy. Come on, I'm hungry."  
  
Xander picked up Hope and started down the stairs.   
  
"Daddy, mommy is always hungry."  
  
"I know, she eats like an oinker when she has a baby in her tummy honey."  
  
"I heard that!!"   
  
Xander pretended to be very frightened by that, which made the small girl giggle.   
  
Everything was right with the world, and this tin man knew he had a heart because it was finally healed. 


End file.
